May’s Page

Me and Miss Darcy
Me and Miss Darcy

My name is May. I am used to change and upheavals in life.  I have moved countries, continents and corporate jobs and adapted to each situation with ease and fluidity.  But when an eleven week old apricot coloured cockapoo arrived at my home on 16th May 2011, from that moment on, I had no idea what hit me.  My daily living changed significantly – forever!

I named that little bundle of fur – Miss Darcy.

Although I’ve had several significant others over the years, I figured it’s time a “Mr. Darcy” entered my life – to love, to cherish and to enjoy each other’s company. (No one ever told me Mr. Darcy did not come four-legged.) I had many expectations for Darcy – she was going to fill the gaps and make me wonderfully happy.  I envisioned her sitting by my side in front of a roaring fire, her head on my lap and smelling of some wonderful cologne. Above all, she would behave impeccably with no demands.

Well, by week two, I needed a reality check!

The list was long – I could not have a lie in if I felt like it, even on a Sunday morning. I could not get into pjs till after I had walked her one last time at night (that’s city living). If I did not make it out the door in time I could end up using an entire roll of paper towel, dabbing the hallway carpet dry. I could not just go off to the cinema and not think about what she was up to at home.

It’s fair to say that Darcy is my first dog, my first pet, the first time another being has totally relied on me. I was told they become your best friend – eventually. They are loyal and they love unconditionally. Great! I was also warned it would be a HUGE commitment. I was ready, or so I thought.

On top of all the inconvenience, Darcy in my life brought out a few embedded emotional issues. I never thought a puppy could necessitate a therapy session but there I was seeking counsel about negative feelings that were emerging.

I was not short of feeling sorry for myself. I felt trapped and a sense of – what about me?  When she went about her puppy ways instead of the well-behaved dog I demanded of her, I felt loss of control. My love for her was conditional. She had to behave in order for me to love her.  When she didn’t I resented her and then struggled with great guilt, realising my expectations were my issues.  Well, the one thing I did not expect was a puppy teaching me life lessons.

There were very real moments of doubts but I stuck it out and made it past two months, all the while considering and resisting giving her away.

Many walks later Darcy had me wrapped around her little paws.

She had personality. She is opinionated.  Like Spaniels, she ran fast and free, and hunted for squirrels and chased birds.  But she also sat regally proud – very poodly of her!  She’s clever, learned very quickly and then the next minute she could be totally kooky – which made me laugh.  She had an expressive face and at times she even rolled her eyes at me! When we were out it never fails for someone to tell me how gorgeous she was – made me burst with maternal pride!

I never thought I could fall in love with a dog but I did in a big way.

Darcy had given me the opportunity to exercise responsibility, to consider another before oneself. I found myself at the vet with every worrying sign that she was unwell, stayed up all night when she was ill, even at three in the morning emergency room visits – mostly proven right, so not because of paranoia.  My friends could not believe themselves when they saw me scooping up poo or Darcy sleeping on my pristine white sheets.

In return I received unhampered affection for no reason except I exist.

How I loved returning home to her unabashed tail wagging whether it was after two weeks or ten minutes being away. In the mornings I loved her body warmth against mine when she decided to curl up against me. She had been both a wonderful companion and a healing friend. She was all joy, engaging and sociable.  And she was a constant reminder to live in the moment.  When I was caught up in myself, her needs immediately snapped me out of the mode.

She helped me realise that I was capable of loving another more than I thought humanly possible.

In return, I wanted to give her a voice.  So this was Miss Darcy sharing her life adventures and experiences as a dog living in London, as well as her travels.

That was how this blog came about.

Since 2014, little George had joined us on our adventures.  He was culled from the streets of Hungary and found at a Killing Station, awaiting death. He was saved by Hungary Hearts Dog Rescue and was waiting to be adopted or fostered.

And that was how our story began. I thought to give back and help to foster a dog. Well, long story short, I failed desperately as a foster from the moment I set eyes on him.

This time, I was feeling guilty for loving another other than Darcy. How can I possibly love two equally till a wise friend told me – you never love another the same. And then I learnt that one’s heart is expandable and capable of loving as much as we allow ourselves to love.

Who knew I would have not one but two dogs!

Unexpectedly, from one day to the next, we found out Darcy had a tumour on her spleen and intestines. It was hemangiasarcoma, the most common and most aggressive cancer in dogs. She left us on 22 January, 2022 – just short of her 11th birthday.

The pain was immeasurable and it was something I needed to process and accept.

I was asked often, “Are you going to get another dog?” But I have George, I said. He and I continued on our journey together, ticking off our remaining bucket list. It was his time.

Eighteen months after Darcy left us, I had a message from her. It was time to let go and to open my heart and our home to another. I adopted Lulu, a toy poodle from China who was saved from the dog meat trade in August 2023.

A complete bundle of fur, she was simply meant to be.

Through all this I discovered one thing about myself – my heart is expandable. It is capable of loving more than I thought I could. And there are a lot of dogs out there needing a home. Darcy opened my heart and she showed me the world of dogs. George opened my world to rescues. Please consider adopting a rescue.

Please feel free to contact me to talk about the “love” of your life!

About Darcy

About Darcy

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About May

About May

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