Our last bench conversation

During our walks in the park, Mum always like to find a place to sit and ponder about things while taking in the happenings – watching people and dogs go by. George and I would always sit with her but we weren’t deep in thought but scanning the horizon for squirrels! As soon as we spotted one, we would dash off leaving Mum on her own. Thankfully, the squirrels were always faster than us!

Last Thursday, when I was walking better after a week of limping due to a shoulder sprain, we went to the park. And like we always do, we sat down on a bench. This time, I wasn’t interested in squirrels. Instead, I wanted a chat with Mum as we sat on the After Life – Hope is Everything bench.

Darcy: The last month had been quite a roller coaster ride for us.

Mum: It sure has been! It all happened so unexpectedly, you know, and who knew that we would have to be dealing with the dreaded “C-word”.

Darcy: It does put things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Mum: It does, but it’s also infuriating. Just when I thought we might be able to do fun things together again, we had this explosive news. Even the pandemic lockdown and closing of boundaries seemed minor compared to what the vet told me.

Darcy: I’m sorry.

Mum: It’s not your fault. We were dealt the unlucky card this time. I guess we all have our turn of being unlucky.

I was so angry. I wanted to chuck away all those dog books on the shelf. I was angry at the world. The Universe. Everything! I was so scared, D. I was scared that you wouldn’t make it through surgery. Thankfully you did. And the vets were so impressed by your speedy recovery after a massive op.

Darcy: Do you remember what Ricky Gervais said in one of the episodes of “After Life?”

Mum: Which one? They said so many profound though funny lines.

Darcy: He said – “Well, I think life is precious because you can’t watch it again. I mean you can believe in an after life if that makes you feel better but once you realise you’re not going to be around forever, I think that’s what makes life so magical.”

Mum: And sometimes that’s what it takes. Life wasn’t quite the same after your surgery. I noticed you didn’t walk as fast. You didn’t run like a lunatic on the beach but you remained greedy and opinionated. And you gave me Christmas and you gave me New Year. We celebrated knowing that it was to be our last together.

You know how annoyed I would be whenever you barked at the neighbour or when you’re jumping up on the table to see what’s to steal. Well, this past week, I enjoyed your barking and I would give you what you wanted.

I watched your every movement. There were days when you were feeling quiet and slept a lot. But as soon as your tail went up in the air and you ran to the door whenever the door bell rang, I had hope that maybe you might just make it through. That maybe there’s hope that we could be on the road again – going on our adventures.

Darcy: Hope is everything. It keeps our spirits up and believe in tomorrows.

May’s comment: It seemed somewhat appropriate that we were sitting on an After Life bench for what was to be our last walk and chat in the park.

Netflix had commissioned 25 benches and Ricky Gervais’s new series of After Life have donated them to local councils around the UK as part of a mental health initiative with  CALM – the Campaign Against Living Miserably.  They are to encourage people to stop and sit down to talk.

The benches inscribed with the message – HOPE IS EVERYTHING also has a QR code leading to online resources and a message of support.

I had just finished watching After Life Season 3 – which didn’t seem like a good time for me to be watching.

But After Life is a beautiful and very sensitive series that depicts grief with humorous compassion in Gervais style – refreshingly honest, politically incorrect, a bit abrasive, and brilliant. He is not only a brilliant writer and performer but he really understands people.

The theme of the show reminds us all to make the most of our time and make each second count by being kind, giving and loving. A lot of the conversations about mental health, life and death takes place on a bench in the church graveyard where Tony’s wife is buried. These scenes plays a pivotal part in the show where Tony talks to ​​Anne, his graveside confidante. 

I am going through a sad time in my circumstances but unlike Tony (the character) I am not dwelling on it. Sadness at end of life is inevitable but we can also give thanks and be grateful for all the joys, memories and most of all for having loved. Because “life goes on” …. we miss those we lose immensely but when they have suffered, and their bodies failed them, the “after life” is a better place. We grief because we loved. And so often they are our angels.

“Angels don’t have wings and live in clouds. They wear nurses uniforms, work hard to pay the rent on their houses. Some work for charity because they can’t look the other way. Some have four legs and bark. But whatever they look like, they all save lives. … If you want to be an angel, you’ve got to do it when you’re alive. Be good, do good things.“

Darcy was my angel on earth.

Darcy had been posing for as long as she learnt the command SIT. This was her last pose. Later that evening, the tumour got to her spine and she never sat up again.

These are the locations of the After Life benches. Take a moment and sit and talk with someone.