Survivor George

I’m back.

So what’s new?

I was home when Darcy came home from her walkie. I was beside myself with excitement. But alas, she is still ignoring me. LOL!

Nothing new, I suppose. But we soon settled down to just us three.

We are home.

Maybe Darcy doesn’t mind me at all.

Darcy: Oh George, I really am happy you’re home. Really!

May’s comment: We are all together again. It’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions for all of us.

With Darcy feeling insecure the first two days at House of Mutt which has never happened before, we attributed her behaviour to her being away for the first time after six months of being together, or maybe she’s older now or that she knew I was in the hospital. But she came out of that by the weekend and she’s been running with her tail up high. Phew!

George on the other hand had me thinking about my relationship with him. I am probably conjecturing.

For at least the first formative year of his life, George didn’t have a sense of belonging. By observing his behaviour, I got the sense that he survived by gravitating to people who gave him food.

Because he was small he was not a threat. Even now, whenever he gets a treat, he immediately runs away to eat it. In the first two months of co-existence, if Darcy or any dog approached him where there’s food, he would fight them off – no matter what size they were.

He had to be a survivor for him to get so far until he was found. And it took him more than three years to comprehend that he belonged to a unit of me, him and Darcy. I knew approximately when that happened. It was during one of the times when he did a runner in Kensington Gardens, and someone found him near the Serpentine Gallery – a place where we meet for our Hyde Park Doodles. He had gone to look for us. Prior to that I would be chasing him around the park or until someone would find him for me.

We are very lucky to have at least three or four families who would happily take George whenever I needed to leave him behind. They are all aware of his tendency to check out the world so he’s kept on a long lead. In return he gives them cuddles and craves for their attention. He claims them as his.

Every time any of these families came to pick him, he would spin and jump up with excitement. He couldn’t wait to leave with them, barking madly saying – let’s go! And even though I know he will be happy, loved, fed and secure, I would feel a little hurt seeing him so thrilled to be leaving me.

Back in February, I took George to Dorset a few days before I left for a two-week trip to Japan. It was the beginning of the pandemic in Japan, and after several long flights, I thought it to be responsible to go into self-isolation for two weeks upon my return. Five weeks later when I went to pick him up, George showed no recognition of me or maybe he was being sullen for me leaving him.

He clung onto Jane. Served me right for leaving him that long.

At least he didn’t cry when I left with him on the train. I might have left him behind right there and then. LOL!

In recent weeks while I was self-isolating and recuperating, he was staying with Annie, Andrew and his best pal, Stanley. They took the time to meet up while social distancing so I could see him. While Darcy would have pulled the whole way and jumped up at me, once again, George showed no reaction. When I picked him up he would rather go down on the floor to sniff around. He did eventually stay in my arms like he normally would.

When it was time for us to part ways, he looked up at Annie and Andrew, expecting to leave with them. He did look back at me as we said our goodbyes. Was he making sure I was going away?

Am I being paranoid? It had me thinking.

Is it my fault that he is so happy to leave me to go with them? He is like those children who always find it more fun to be at the homes of others.

I had never really understood why mothers feel bad, even jealous when their children would rather be with other families rather than their own. Now I have a little glimpse of that motherly jealousy.

Feeling the guilt, I made an unrealistic promise that I would never leave George again for long periods, knowing that was not realistic or practical. There will be times when I will have to travel with neither dogs. Darcy always go to the House of Mutt, but it doesn’t suit George. So they go their separate ways. Maybe it would be better if they stayed together.

Then I learnt with some relief, that when he left Stanley’s on Friday, it was reported back to me that he was super excited to see Peter and left barking happily. It was then that I realised that he is a survivor. He will take go with anyone who will give him attention, give him love, shelter and food.

George came to me mostly formed. I gave him what I can and I need to accept that as long as he is happy (in any situation, not just with me), loved (as much as I can give him and let others love him too), fed and he’s safe, then I should feel content. And not project too much onto him.

All that said, since his cruciate ligament operation last year, he had become so much more attached to me. If I should hand him over to a dog walker or anyone for that matter on the street, he would bark angrily and he is inconsolable. So I know we have an attachment and a relationship.

George was not what I had in mind for a second dog. He was a challenge from the start and I felt guilty, if I had done the right thing by Darcy. But he moved my heart from the moment we met. I didn’t know what it meant. I knew one thing – I had to keep him – against my better judgment. I worried if I can love him as much as I love Darcy, until in my rambling about guilt and worry, Tammy reminded me – “we never love two being the same way.” On hearing those words, I breathed a sigh of relief. I learnt to relax into accepting George for who he is and to love George differently from how I love Darcy. And it is amazing how much the heart can expand in love. Six years on, he is still teaching me about how to love. The lessons continue. This time it is obvious but a reminder that loving another is about letting go and letting them be who they are.

While Darcy was so easy to love and our feelings are mutual. With George, it is loving without expecting anything in return.

Last note. After he ran in excitedly when Peter dropped him off, he soon turned right back and looked at Peter – expecting to leave with him.